#903 - His Promises

 

When I sat down and read verses 15 and 16 of Psalm 139 tonight after putting sweet girl to bed, my heart leapt inside of me. How perfect are His promises. My spirit felt an overwhelming peace that can only come from the Holy Spirit's testifying to the TRUTH of God's Word. Tomorrow morning we'll go into a court room and observe while a judge decides the next step in sweet girl's future. What my Father promises me is that no matter the outcome, He KNOWS and His plan is absolutely perfect! I don't have to worry because all of her days were numbered by Him before one of them even came to be. So, I will lie down and sleep in peace (Psalm 4) tonight knowing Who is in control! And for that, I am thankful!

#904 - Names

I've started a new Bible reading plan. Today I read Ezra 2, Psalm 2, and Matthew 1 & 2. Do you know what Ezra 2 and Matthew 1 have in common? Names...lots of them! Anytime I come to a list of names in the Bible part of me says, "Oh, here we go!" But The Lord is always quick to remind me that each name has been included for a reason. 

Today he used the list of names to encourage me that He knows our sweet girl's name. She's not just a number in the CPS database, but she is a child made in God's image. And He loves her. He has a plan and purpose for her life. 

I'll be honest, last week was a bit difficult for us. We found out our days with her are numbered. The chances of us getting to adopt her are pretty slim. That was hard news to swallow. But, it's the risk we were called to take. Does it make it any easier? Absolutely not! Is God still in control? Absolutely! And all we can do is trust the God who knows her name! I am so thankful to serve a God who is personal. I am thankful that no matter where sweet girl ends up, I know she will not go alone. And I pray with all of my being that she grows up knowing she is never alone! Will you pray that with me?

#905 - Day by day

Three months ago today, we opened the front door and saw the newest addition to the Bramlett family. (Hence the hiatus from the blog...didn't realize how much of a change it would be going from 2 kids to 3!) It's hard to believe it's been 3 months. It's also hard to remember life before this sweet girl. She just fits into our family so well.

We still have no clue how long she'll be here with us. The ups and downs of foster care. It certainly teaches the importance of seizing the day and living each one to the fullest. I find myself praying over her every chance I get because I have no clue how many chances are left. Tonight one of those sweet times arose and I seized it. All 3 kiddos were in bed, Daniel was running one of the youth home and I was making chicken salad for my Bible study tomorrow. I heard sweet girl making all kinds of noises in the monitor (which is typical when she's trying to go to sleep, but tonight it seemed to be lasting longer than usual). Once again, she's teething (do babies ever really stop??), so I grabbed the Tylenol, the rest of her bedtime bottle which she didn't finish before going to bed, and sweet girl and I had a date in the recliner. After I finished feeding her, I put her up on my shoulder to burp her. Normally she'd start jumping around, grabbing at my hair, and jabbering. However, tonight she just laid her precious head on my shoulder as if she didn't have a care in the world. My heart was so full! I just rocked her and prayed over her for several minutes. I thought, I'll stay up until 11 pm making chicken salad if it means I get to spend this sweet time with her. 

So much has changed in sweet girl's life in just 3 short months...she's gotten her first 6 teeth, she learned to roll over, she started sitting up unassisted, she began "talking" (sometimes I wonder if she's secretly a Bramlett with all the jabbering she does!), she started (and loves!) baby food, she's sleeping through the night (can I get an amen?!), she's not near as jumpy as she was when she first came (she was startled very easily), and she shows signs of attachment to us. All of these things are normal for a baby. They're supposed to happen. What sweet girl doesn't know, though, is all of the incredible changes I've watched take place in our family as a result of her being with us. I've watched our other two kiddos accept and love unconditionally a baby they'd never met before she showed up on our front door step. I've watched a husband give of himself and his free time over and over to assist me with some sort of parental duty. I've watched a 4-year-old's heart wrap around the idea of fostering and adoption so much that he wants to tell everyone we see what's going on with our family. I've watched a 2-year-old girl go from being very jealous of her new sister and asking if she could go home the first day to laying beside her on the floor playing with her just because, or running over to calm her down when she's upset, or insisting on singing "Jesus Loves Me" over her as she's going to bed at night. I've watched myself being convicted of my selfish nature when I'm woken up several times during the night by multiple children and wonder if it's all really worth it. I've watched as the Lord's shown me over and over through sweet girl's smile that yes, every bit of it's worth it. I've watched as a church body has completely fallen in love with this girl. I could go on and on with story after story. The bottom line is this girl and fostering has changed us all. Are there hard moments? You bet! Are there unsure moments when we wonder what the next week will bring? You better believe it! Are there times when I hate the thought that fostering even has to be an option? Every single week when I drive away from her parent visit. It's not natural. This is not the way God intended it. But, if this is how it has to be right now, I'm so thankful to be a part. And so for as long as we have her we will thank The Lord and love her as she deserves to be loved. And if one day she does leave, we will thank The Lord for the time we had, trust His perfect plan, and continue praying for her for as long as we have breath. That's all we can do, and that's all He asks of us.

#906 - Worth the Wait

Two months ago we officially became certified foster parents.We were told by many people to "hold on for the ride because you'll probably get a call soon after being approved." November turned into December, December turned into January, and still no call. Many people at church and Bible study would say, "have you heard anything yet??" And I'd always have to respond with "not a word!" Finally, after the first of the year I decided to email the caseworker at our agency just to be sure we hadn't forgotten some form (there are so many!) or done something to slow down the process. She assured me that this was sometimes 'normal,' and not to worry. Throughout the two months I really didn't worry (which is totally unlike me), I just kept wondering when God would bring that special child into our lives. I clung to the promise that His timing is perfect, and I waited.

January 16 at 10:45 a.m. I was sitting in my small group at CBS (Community Bible Study) when I heard my phone vibrating. I looked down and didn't recognize the number, so since we were almost done with small group I thought I'd just wait and see if the person left a message. The thought briefly crossed my mind that this might be "the" call, but I pretty quickly dismissed it. 5 minutes later I checked my message and it was our caseworker, Leisa. She said, "Laura, I need you to call me back immediately. Thanks, bye." And that's when I knew there must be a child waiting. I tried calling her back but couldn't reach her, so I text her. About 2 minutes later Daniel called me and said, "Laura, there's a 5-month old girl who needs a home." I quickly said, "Did you tell her yes?" And he responded with, "Well, of course!" And that was the beginning of the whirlwind that has been our lives the past week.

We first got the call at 10:45, and baby girl was at our house by 1:30. Whew! Throughout training we were told it would be quick and unexpected - they weren't joking! With pregnancy you have 9 months...in foster care you have a matter of minutes to make your decision and then a few hours to baby proof your house. I was really proud of Daniel and myself, though, because throughout Thursday afternoon we were both very calm and worked well as a team.

So how has the past week been for the Bramlett's? Chaotic, full of grace, overwhelming at times, fun, surreal, crazy, beautiful and just as it should be. Daniel and I had a few moments of quiet a couple of nights ago before we both passed out, and we talked about how even in the craziest moments of the past week, we both knew this was right. This is exactly what God wants for our family at this time. There have been SO many confirmations, but one of those is the interaction Riley and Ella have with baby girl. When I first told them they might be getting a sister in a few hours, they were ecstatic! It was not a for sure thing when I mentioned it to them because CPS had to approve our file, but Riley kept saying, "We have to get her Mama! I know I'm getting a sister!" And then when she arrived they were like two kids in the candy store. Riley kept saying how cute she was, and Ella just kept pointing and saying, "baby! baby!" As Daniel mentioned in his sermon this past Sunday, they never once asked where she was from, what her background was, why she was at our house, etc. They simply accepted her as their new sister. Because that's what she is.

Several people have mentioned to me that they didn't think they could ever foster because what happens if you get attached to the child and then they leave. "I just don't think my heart could take it." The honest truth is I'm not so sure my heart's going to be able to take it. BUT let's look at this from baby girl's perspective. Did she want to be removed from her home and everything she was familiar with? Did anyone ask her if she wanted to go to another town and move in with a random family that has two small, excited, overly-dramatic children? No! The choice was made for her. I have a choice. I could choose to keep her at a distance, very coldly feed her, change diapers and make sure she's safe. OR
I could love her unconditionally as I do my own children, call her my daughter, and allow her to penetrate the depths of my heart - knowing there's a very real possibility her last name won't be changed to Bramlett.

As a follower in Christ, I really don't have a choice. I must do the latter. I have a new daughter, and I will love her as my own for as long as the Lord allows me to. If/when the day comes and she leaves our home for another, I will continue to love her and pray for God's grace, protection and mercy on her life. I believe with my whole heart that He will use the time we have with her to plant truth into her precious, little heart. And I'm really not nervous about if/when we have to let her go. I trust my God with my heart, and I trust that He's sovereign. If/when that time comes, His grace will be enough. And really, how selfish of me to say, "I'm not going to love you fully, baby girl because it may end up hurting in the end." Isn't that what love's all about?! Taking a risk and trusting that even if it does hurt at some point, it was worth it?

So, a week into our first placement I find myself thankful. Sleep-deprived, but thankful. The Lord shows me in multiple ways throughout the day that He is all over this and that He is being glorified and will continue to be throughout this process. And that's really what it's all about anyway...obeying my Father and always looking for ways to bring Him glory.

#907 - Lifelong Committment

I love to journal. At this particular point in life, I am not journaling. I wish I was. I guess in some ways this blog serves as a journal for me right now. But in years past, I have been known to fill up journals very quickly. In fact, while living in South Africa I completed 14 journals in 2 years. I was able to spend a lot of alone time with the Lord, and much of that time was spent writing my prayers. 

The other day I was looking around the house for something to read. I remembered my journals, and decided to begin reading back through them. I believe strongly that the Lord wants us to look back on where we've been and see clearly the ways He has grown us and increased our faith throughout the years. I was also curious to see what was most important to me back then since now my life is consumed with a husband, small feet and hands, dishes, laundry, children's books, baby dolls, hot wheels, ministry, etc. I wasn't too far into my reading when I came across this...

I wrote this in 1999 when I was a junior in college at Baylor. I don't remember when I began thinking about what I wanted in a future mate. I do remember praying for my future mate throughout high school and college...and after college...and after being a journeyman for 2 years. Honestly, there were many days when I wondered if my prayers were in vain. I knew God heard me, but I wasn't so sure that He was going to answer the desire of my heart and give me a mate. Looking back on it now, it's easy to see my lack of faith. But, isn't it always easier to look back and see what we've done wrong than to see it in the moment? 

Anyway, if you know my husband, you know that this list was fulfilled AND THEN SOME! I had to laugh when I read #9. And then since my mate was reading beside me, I had to show it to him so he could laugh. Daniel is definitely not afraid to tell me what he really thinks about anything and everything...and for that I'm grateful! (I don't always feel grateful at the moment, but I am!) 

My heart is overflowing with gratitude to the Lord today as Daniel and I celebrate our 6th Anniversary. I remember soon after we married looking at him at random times and thinking, "I can't believe I am his and he is mine!" And I still find myself doing that today. The Lord blesses His children so much more than we could ever imagine or come close to deserving. I will forever be thankful for this man and the lifelong commitment we made 6 years ago.

#908 - Merry Christmas!

We want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas! We sent out just a few Christmas cards this year, so in this digital age we hope you'll accept a "card" via the blog. We love you all and are so grateful for our Lord Jesus allowing us to love and serve Him another year. We pray His blessings on each one of you as you celebrate His birthday!

#909 - A New Perspective

As many people in our culture, I grew up thinking Christmas was about me. I can remember greatly anticipating Christmas morning because I couldn't wait to count how many presents were for me. My parents were always so careful to be sure my brother and I had the same amount of gifts because they knew it would be a big issue if we didn't.

I. was. spoiled.

Lots of people told me that then, and I can freely admit it now. Yes, I knew Christmas was a time to celebrate Jesus' birthday. Our family always participated in an advent calendar together that was provided by our church. We always went to a Christmas Eve service. We loved singing Christmas carols, and most of the ones we sang pointed to Jesus. But, when I think back, my mindset at Christmas time for most of my 34 years was on myself and how I would benefit from opening presents on December 25.

Now it grieves my heart to see that in so many ways, I missed it. I missed out on the true meaning of Christmas because my focus was on self and not on Christ. I, in no way, fault any of my family members for this. They all did the very best they knew how and were so very generous. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that promotes self above everything and everyone else. I hear well-meaning people asking my children all of the time, "What did you ask for for Christmas? What's Santa going to bring you? Have you been good this year?" And the list goes on. Riley and I even had a conversation the other day about gifts at Christmas. Having small children has shown me how EARLY our selfish natures rear their ugly heads. Ella's still pretty clueless about Christmas and all that it entails. Riley, on the other hand, has experienced several Christmases so far, and he knows what's going on. So when I told him Christmas was just a few weeks away the other day, his response was: "Well you need to buy me presents then!" It hurt a bit to hear this immediate response because I realized WE had taught him this mentality. The past few Christmases he has been so showered with gifts that he assumes it will happen again this year.

It was time for a serious talk. I turned this one over to the man of the household. :)

Daniel sat down with Riley (Ella and I joined them, too) and explained that Christmas is not about receiving, but about worshiping Christ through giving. He then pulled out the Samaritan's Purse catalog and told Riley that this year we were going to begin a new tradition in our family. Instead of buying presents for Ella and Riley, we were going to let them look through the catalog and pick out anything (and as many things) they wanted to give away. Whatever they picked out, we would then give to Samaritan's Purse in their honor. Riley really got into this, and it was awesome to watch his compassionate heart take over. Daniel explained each of the 43 options with him, and he got to work picking out the ones he wanted.

So far, this has been my favorite part of the Christmas season. And it will for sure be an annual Bramlett tradition! I have loved watching how the Lord is transforming both Daniel and me during this time. He's using not only His Word but other people to confirm our convictions. Just two days ago I was reading an advent devotional called, "Joy! to Your World! A Countdown to Christmas," and here's what I read...

 Most of us go through the Christmas season focused on self ... on what we want and desire and deserve. Some people want a new house ... or a piece of great jewelry ... or for our children to come home for the holidays. Some folks emphatically believe that they deserve a Christmas bonus, a tree-laden with gifts or someone to clean the house for the holidays.

If these are your desires, you are missing it! You have Christmas all wrong! You are missing the hard lesson that the life of Mary teaches all of us today:

Our plans pale in comparison to His interruptions! The most significant desire that you will ever embrace is to ask God to interrupt your life with His love and His plans.

Mary learned, as we all must, that Christmas is not about me. Christmas is about dying to self, to preference and to normalcy. Christmas is the clarion call that none of us is able to live for human purposes ever again. We have all been embraced by the call of Christmas that resounds from Mary’s heart to our world today, “Live for His purposes! Live for Christ alone!”

Christmas is about the intervention of God into our ordinary lives; it is about Christ being born into our disappointments and failures.

Christmas is not about me - it is about Christ revealing Himself in me and to me! Now that’s something to celebrate!